What's up with me anyway?

So.  No, it's not "Weird Illness Awareness Month" or anything.  However, having just gotten over/getting over one of my bizarre "spells," I thought I'd take a moment to explain.

I hate saying I have migraines.  Please do not tell me to take a tylenol!  It could be hazardous to your health!  (Not the tylenol, but my reaction to that statement).  My head does not hurt.  And the only thing that helps sometimes is 3-4 glasses of wine (which probably just makes me not care) and a good night's rest, and quiet, which is in short supply around my house!

It starts with a virus or infection... a cold, flu, sinus infection... Shortly after contracting said virus, depression hits.  At this point I have no idea an "episode" is coming.  Why?  I'm just not that bright apparently!  So if you ask me what's wrong, I don't know.... I'm just down, moody, and annoyed (particularly if you have a loud voice and don't respect my "space")  Along with the depression comes sensitivity to sound, i.e. 4 really really loud children talking over each other and making demands, etc.  This all usually lasts about a week.  OH, and I usually will find myself running into things during that time as well... Door frames in particular, dropping things more frequently, making stupid mistakes, forgetting things, feeling confused... So during that week, not only am I overly sensitive, taking things personally and annoyed by lots of things that wouldn't ordinarily annoy me, I am also a hare brained idiot!  I also may find it difficult to make a fist with my left hand during this time or I may drag my left foot a bit.  This, I instantly push to the back of my mind though, because I am in denial.  I may even slur my speech.  No, I'm not inebriated (unless I've just had those 3-4 glasses of wine!)  These can all be symptoms of a very special type of migraine.  Usually after about a week or so, I start feeling like I need to make the noise of everybody stop... because of the red hot pokers that have been inserted into my ear canals.  My ears feel hot and painful, like I have a sunburn from the inside out.  Sometimes I have horrible vertigo spells and might have to take meds to stop the spinning and vomiting... fun times!  Also at this point, I may lose all or some use of my left arm and leg.  Or I may have extreme unrelenting pain in my arms like I am lifting a heavy weight and can't put it down.  This doesn't happen so often anymore, which is great, but when it does, it is extremely scary.  I can look like I've had a stroke and have a hard time talking or making sense.  In recent months, I have also begun breaking out in boil-like blisters on my legs and back with some of these "episodes."  They seem similar to shingles and have gotten infected before and leave nasty scars.  I've had gall bladder attacks along with these episodes as well.

I'm not trying to whine.  But when someone asks how I'm doing, this is not the response I want to give.  This is not the response they want to hear.  I can't say "I'm not feeling good, I have a migraine."  See the difference?  And whatever you do, to preserve your safety... do not tell me to go to the doctor.  Preventive migraine meds make this worse for some reason.  And psychotropic drugs treat mental disorders, not this odd conglomeration of symptoms.  I've been to ENTs and neurologists.  I'm done with that.  So if I say I'm not feeling well, or that I'm having "health problems," please just tell me you'll pray for me and then do it, and understand that I'm not just whining about having a headache or feeling sad or neurotic.

I know everything doesn't happen "for a reason."  I live in a fallen world and something happened to screw up my genetics, and somewhere along the road I picked up a virus that likes to periodically reactivate and cause me grief.  God didn't give this to me, but He's definitely big enough to use it because I love and obey Him and am called according to His purpose.  So that's cool and a relief and worth it in the end.