Mark 4:13

No, I'm not un-retiring.  But I heard from God today and wanted to record it since it's been awhile.


Acts 2: 42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

I think I've been going about this the wrong way.

I will admit I've had a love/hate relationship with the church as an institution for quite a long time.  Maybe even since before I loved Jesus at the age of 12.  I have always been aware of the disconnect between what I read in God's Word and what I witnessed in real life, what I heard preached from the pulpit and what I observed in people's lives.  I was always deeply disappointed to find out that people were not what they seemed, that the love and joy that took place in the "fellowship hall" did not continue past the heavy ornate doors of the church to the outside world, that when all was said and done, hurting and sin and depression and weakness were experienced in private and only the best was reserved for the "brotherhood."  These disappointments eventually turned to bitterness, disdain and ultimately pride and arrogance.  I felt that to use the words "church" and "family" in the same sentence was an oxymoron.

Today I am at an impasse.  I feel that I am at the end of what I can do while holding onto the beliefs that I have had thus far.  And yet, to let go of them means more trusting, more surrender, more grace.  None of those things come easily to me, but I've learned that when you get to this place, to hold on is more painful.  To hear and not obey just brings trouble.  There is a certain amount of responsibility that comes with understanding.

When you're part of a family, you can't stay a child forever.  You can't always be the one that everybody takes care of.  It's like that in The Church.  Eventually, you have to take the initiative and grow up.  It's unnatural to cry for dinner as an adult.

I think we can't have community without a great amount of sacrifice.  I know that what I've done until now, and I'm probably not alone in this, is to look for what I need and be sad/disheartened/annoyed or even self-righteous when I don't find it.  On the contrary, what God calls me to do, and you too, is to sacrifice in order to fulfill the needs of others in the family.

How rare, right?  But can you imagine how beautiful?  I think if we loved each other like that for real, people would notice, just like they did when the first church did it.