My New Job.

I almost cried at Publix today.  Yes, really.  And no I didn't get run down by a blue hair with a runaway shopping cart.  


I bought $200 worth of groceries for less than $60.


Do you realize that is a 75% savings?


They actually paid me to buy a few items.  


I almost cried.  


For years I have questioned and complained and fought and whined... I have asked God why he put me here with no purpose... If I screwed it all up (my intended purpose) by making all the wrong decisions... If the rest of my life is just one big consequence of my own willful choices... And at different times in my life I have tried SO HARD to be what I thought I was supposed to be... really only to be beat down and stepped on and disrespected because of it...  


The last year or so since we've been with Hub City Church, we've learned a lot.  A lot about a lot of things.  But mostly about how to live.  How to be a good friend.  How to grow our marriage.  How to seek Jesus.  


I can't write about it all-- and maybe this wont make any sense.  But one of the things that was a hard learn for us was "tithing."  I still don't like the word "tithe."  And I still could argue certain points.  But here's the thing.  We decided to listen, learn and act on what we heard awhile back regarding giving the first to God and recognizing all that we have as His.  We got serious about giving monetarily FIRST before anything else, even bills or groceries.  And in doing that we told God that we really wanted and needed His input into our financial situation because as far as we could tell, it was really a no-win situation.  Even without giving, there was not enough.


These next few years are going to be tough.  Allen going back to school and taking a pay cut to be able to do so... not an easy decision.  But I feel God's hand on us.  I know that we're with Him.  (I started to say He's with us... but that doesn't seem right somehow) 


I'm just very very grateful.  I'm thankful for his provision and purpose and opportunities to grow and learn.  I'm thankful for dreams of impossibility for the future because of what I'm learning... dreams for our family and for our church and for our community.  I'm actually thankful that I can be a little psycho- overboard with things... a little too passionate... I'm starting to see where God might be thinking of going with that.  I like my new job... Wife and Mom.  And even though I wish I had realized what I signed up for a bit sooner... I'm thankful for the enormous patience and grace that God has shown me.


I read this today and thought it was appropriate:


James 1:25But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action.