Mark 4:13

No, I'm not un-retiring.  But I heard from God today and wanted to record it since it's been awhile.


Acts 2: 42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

I think I've been going about this the wrong way.

I will admit I've had a love/hate relationship with the church as an institution for quite a long time.  Maybe even since before I loved Jesus at the age of 12.  I have always been aware of the disconnect between what I read in God's Word and what I witnessed in real life, what I heard preached from the pulpit and what I observed in people's lives.  I was always deeply disappointed to find out that people were not what they seemed, that the love and joy that took place in the "fellowship hall" did not continue past the heavy ornate doors of the church to the outside world, that when all was said and done, hurting and sin and depression and weakness were experienced in private and only the best was reserved for the "brotherhood."  These disappointments eventually turned to bitterness, disdain and ultimately pride and arrogance.  I felt that to use the words "church" and "family" in the same sentence was an oxymoron.

Today I am at an impasse.  I feel that I am at the end of what I can do while holding onto the beliefs that I have had thus far.  And yet, to let go of them means more trusting, more surrender, more grace.  None of those things come easily to me, but I've learned that when you get to this place, to hold on is more painful.  To hear and not obey just brings trouble.  There is a certain amount of responsibility that comes with understanding.

When you're part of a family, you can't stay a child forever.  You can't always be the one that everybody takes care of.  It's like that in The Church.  Eventually, you have to take the initiative and grow up.  It's unnatural to cry for dinner as an adult.

I think we can't have community without a great amount of sacrifice.  I know that what I've done until now, and I'm probably not alone in this, is to look for what I need and be sad/disheartened/annoyed or even self-righteous when I don't find it.  On the contrary, what God calls me to do, and you too, is to sacrifice in order to fulfill the needs of others in the family.

How rare, right?  But can you imagine how beautiful?  I think if we loved each other like that for real, people would notice, just like they did when the first church did it.

Going Live.

So.  I've decided to retire scatteredseed.  Lots of reasons.  None of which I really feel like disclosing, except to say that it's part of becoming the "good dirt" that inspired me to start this silly blog in the first place.

To any habitual readers:
1) Sorry-- Sorry for wasting lots of your time.  Sorry for making an ass out of myself publicly on more than one occasion (ok, that's really more of an apology to me!).  Sorry most of all for thinking out loud instead of living that way lots of times.
2) Thanks-- Thanks for wanting to know me anyway : )

Hurry up and wait.

Well.  I heard back about my labs today.  Lyme disease Negative.  Yay!  Epstein Barr virus just showed that I had been previously infected by the virus that causes Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  However, the levels do not explain my symptoms.  I was confused about which tests he was ordering.  He did not do anything having to do with Myasthenia Gravis.  He's pursuing that through the neurologist.  SO.  Time to hurry up and wait.  I am not a very patient person apparently.  I thought I was going to be.  I felt so calm after my appt the other day, almost eerily so.  I must have been in shock.  Blah.  On a good note, my arms aren't hurting so badly today as they have been.  Hoping to feel all the way better soon.  I have a couple busy days next week and it would be good to be focused.  Pain is an incredible distraction, and though I've been doing my best to stay positive, I do get worn down over time.  Like I told Christian the other day, "I'm not magic ya know..."

Where the Wild Things Are

Hmmm...
Errr...
Argh...
SIGH.

Yeah, I dunno.  I think I had a real problem with this movie.  I don't recall ever having read the children's book (it IS a children's book right?), but I kinda wish I had had a clue before I saw it with my kids last night...  I'm guessing (and hoping) it didn't sink into them quite the way it did me.

I wonder what others thought of this movie?  It started out sort of fun, quirky, odd... in an offbeat kind of way.  Which I like.  Honestly, the movie (in my opinion anyway) was really well done.  It's just... Well, I'm not even sure how to explain it.  There was just an element of darkness.  Something "off" about it.  Maybe even untrue.  This pervasive feeling of... loneliness, disconnection, rejection... I am alone and no one will/can ever understand me...  It really bothered me.  Maybe some people wouldn't pick up on it.  Maybe it's because I have thoughts that I have to fight off like that a lot myself.  I wasn't so sure how I felt about it directly after watching it, but I actually wish I hadn't seen it now.

So there you have it.  My review and un-recommendation.  Watch at risk to your own psyche.

Don't Look the Other Way.

I know this is long.  Please read it anyway.


I was reading this in Deuteronomy 15:7-11:
When you happen on someone who's in trouble or needs help among your people with whom you live in this land that God, your God, is giving you, don't look the other way pretending you don't see him.  Don't keep a tight grip on your purse.  No.  Look at him, open your purse, lend whatever and as much as he needs.  Don't count the cost.  Don't listen to that selfish voice saying, "It's almost the seventh year, the year of All-Debts-Are-Canceled," and turn aside and leave your needy neighbor in the lurch, refusing to help him.  He'll call God's attention to you and your blatant sin.  Give freely and spontaneously.  Don't have a stingy heart.  The way you handle matters like this triggers God, your God's, blessing in everything you do, all your work and ventures.  There are always going to be poor and needy people among you.  So I command you:  Always be generous, open purse and hands, give to your neighbors in trouble, your poor and hurting neighbors.


A couple things jumped out at me about this.  For one, the passage starts out by reminding us that what we have, we have because God has given it to us.  I think that is so important to remember and we often lose sight of it.  We feel like, Oh I have this money or this house or this car or these nice things because I worked hard for them.  And to a point that is true.  We are hard workers out of obedience.  But the fact that that job you have is even available to you is God's doing.  And everything starts out as His.  


Another thing that hit me about these verses.  The "don't look the other way" part... You know why people look down right?  See, last season I watched the TV show "Lie To Me" so I know all about this. C'mon it was on TV, so it's got to be true right? LoL.  Seriously though, we cast our eyes down when we feel shame.  That's why we look down when we see some dirty homeless guy on the corner asking for money or food or work or whatever.  We feel ashamed.  Ashamed that we have so much and others so little.  Ashamed that we know we are avoiding doing something when we know deep down we're capable of easing another human's suffering.  The Bible tells us to "look at him" and then act on the compassion that is sure to follow.  


Something else I wanted to touch on here.  The part about not thinking "but the year of canceling debts is almost here..."  We're talking about passing the buck.  In modern day terms this could read--- "Don't tell yourself he could walk around the corner and file for food stamps or I'm sure the car behind me will pick him up a hamburger or there's a homeless shelter down the street... Look at him.  He's YOUR responsibility."  None of these things matter.  


Right now he is hungry.  He is thirsty.  He is cold.  He is tired.  What would you do if that was Jesus?  Let me repeat myself.  We're NOT talking WWJD here.  What would YOU do if that was JESUS standing there on the corner?  Hungry.  Thirsty.  Cold.  Tired.  Your Lord.  The One who saves you.  The One who gave you all you have anyway.  What would you do then?  Would you cast your eyes downward and drive past, hoping the car behind you would get this one?  Would you silently encourage yourself by remembering the soup kitchen is not too far away?  Or would you be like the woman who poured the anointing oil on His head and washed His feet with her tears?  


I can't tell you how badly my heart hurts for the people right here in our community who are poor and needy.  And I feel ashamed when I think how The Church in general behaves toward them.  And when I say "The Church," I don't mean the programs we fund and the can drives we do.  I just mean each one of us.  What are we doing?  Can you imagine what would happen in the world, the U.S., in SC, in Spartanburg, in that horrible little neighborhood by The Beacon... if we would just realize that that dirty, hungry, thirsty, tired guy on the corner... he's Jesus?  What a miracle God could work if we would just look at Him?

Are you there God...?

I just have to say.  God, I have not the faintest inkling of a clue what in the world you are doing.  And that's ok.  You don't have to tell me.  Just whatever it is, don't let me screw it up ok?
Thanks,
Jaimee

The gravity of God's Word

So... HOORAY for being out of Numbers! LoL.  I'm actually reading in Deuteronomy and Galatians simultaneously right now, and I don't know about you, but I love it when things from the old and new testaments line up to give you a clearer picture of God and what's important to Him.  Here's what "clicked" for me today:


I read this in Deuteronomy 13:1-4
When a prophet or visionary gets up in your community and gives out a miracle-sign or wonder, and the miracle-sign or wonder that he gave out happens and he says, "Let's follow other gods" (these are gods you know nothing about), "let's worship them," don't pay any attention to what that prophet or visionary says.  God, your God, is testing you to find out if you totally love him with everything you have in you.  You are to follow only God, your God, hold him in deep reverence, keep his commandments, listen obediently to what he says, serve him---hold on to him for dear life!


and then this in Galatians 1:6-9
I can't believe your fickleness---how easily you have turned traitor to him who called you by the grace of Christ by embracing a variant message!  It is not a minor variation, you know; it is completely other, an alien message, a no-message, a lie about God.  Those who are provoking this agitation among you are turning the Message of Christ on its head.  Let me be blunt:  If one of us---even if an angel from heaven!---were to preach something other than what we preached originally, let him be cursed.  I said it once; I'll say it again:  If anyone, regardless of reputation or credentials, preaches something other than what you received originally, let him be cursed.


I don't know why I never noticed that before in Deuteronomy... that a prophet can be right... or produce signs or miracles... and still be wrong about God.  That's pretty huge.  And how Paul says even if he were to come along and preach against what God originally spoke, he should be cursed.  I don't know... To me that just shows how desperately important it is for us to know God and what He's about.  How else will we know if someone preaches something against Him?  How else will we know if something is just hype or if it's a true sign from God?  That's a lot of responsibility.  The only way I can think to be sure is to be so into The Bible and talking with God about what we're reading every day, that those words just become part of who we are... so that when something against the truth comes out... we'll just know there's something not quite right about that... Personally, I'm finding that's true with my thought life as well.  When I'm reading my Bible consistently and putting my focus on what God says is true, I'm not so likely to just accept every thought that pops into my head.  I'm quicker at weeding out lies from the enemy from what I know to be true and I'm not as apt to just react to everything that flits across my consciousness. 


This is a verse I'm working on (I have a mental block against memorization so it may take awhile)
Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, I urge you brothers [and sisters, of course!], in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God---this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is---his good, pleasing and perfect will.