A bit about financial freedom...

I had an excellent day of shopping today... I know I haven't updated in awhile, but financially things are going very very well... I am shopping at 80%+ savings now and have cut our weekly household spending from $120 (a fairly thrifty amount for a family of 6) down to around $60-ish, saving us $200+ per month!  I'm really excited about it... I feel like I'm finally able to be worth more at home than I would be in the workplace (which isn't surprising considering my *almost* English degree)...  And since my interests are varied (code for short attention span and propensity to daydream), this allows me the freedom to play around a bit with my time, going here, helping there, being available... and dreaming up new stuff to get into! 


 Below is a line from my savings tracker... the best I've ever done so far!  The $176.55 was my total before discounts or coupons.  The $88.63 is the amount I saved using coupons.  $57.92 was my Publix discount... amount saved through their Buy1Get1 deals or Advantage Buy savings.  $146.55 is the total amount saved... And $30!!!  Yep.  I spent $30 loading my cart to the top... almost $180 in groceries and household goods.  83% savings.  I was so excited walking out of there.  And really really thankful for the ability and resources to do this... including one hard-working hubby... providing for us and going back to school to make things better for his family!  I ♥ you, Allen!!!

01/29/10

Publix

$176.55

$88.63

$57.92

$146.55

$30.00

83.01%

This last week while at The Haven, it really just struck me how we all are only 1 or maybe 2 steps away from the kind of disaster that makes people needy.  And we all know at least one person already in the midst of disaster.  I know we have been there (not homeless, but with the definite threat looming over our heads)... not having enough... always on the receiving end of generosity and unable to give... desperate and hopeless.  We're not there anymore.  And we're able to give beyond our means thanks to what I've been learning about shopping and managing money.  It is such a useful skill.  One that I love sharing with people and watching them turn things around for their families!

Jesus Interrupted

I am getting this book, God's Problem (which actually looks kinda scary now that I read a bit about it!) by Bart Ehrman,  in the mail here in a few, courtesy of Mike Morrell at viralbloggers.com... I don't even have to review this time!  Just posting a few links for y'alls perusal-age...  And these are to announce Bart's newest book, Jesus Interrupted, which comes out in paperback this February.

YouTube Trailer

ViralBloggers book description

The difference between You and me

You are who You are, unchanging and constant... I change from day to day, trying to please everybody
You are faithful when I don't believe
You are full of grace when I am full of criticism
You are quiet but commanding when I am loud and demanding
You are so patient when I push to have my own way
Your fierce gentleness causes me to see my hardness of heart
You are Love when I am unloving and unlovable
You are understanding of my unwillingness to understand
You are self-sacrificing when I am selfish
You are controlled when I am controlling
You are restful when I am restless
You are forgiving when I am angry and resentful
You make a way for Peace when I stir up trouble
You heal when I hurt
You are strong especially when I am weak
You show me favor when I don't deserve it
You are respectable even when I am disrespectful
You are always deserving, and I withhold praise
You alone are awesome and I give glory to others
You are worthy, but you make me righteous
You hear my complaints when I refuse to listen to Your Wisdom
You build up when I tear down
You are Light in my darkness
You are Vision in my hopelessness
You are the only Rock I can stand on
My Life, my Breath, my Safety, my Healer, my Teacher, my Lover, my Comfort, my Lord.

The thing I want most is to be more like You and less like me.  I can't do that for myself.

1 John 5 ¹⁴ And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. ¹⁵ And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.

My Song

Exodus 15 ²The Lord is my Strength and my Song, and He has become my Salvation; this is my God, and I will praise Him, my father's God, and I will exalt Him.


It's going to be another wandering post... it cannot be helped.  All I can say is that nobody is holding a gun to your head to read it, so don't blame me for wasted time.


I have always been a "sensing" type person.  In fact, ever since I was young, God has always been with me in very tangible ways.  (And before you continue reading, I'm just warning you... some of you, reading this, will now be able to say... Yes, I always thought there was something a little "off" with her, but now I know for sure...  I'm just being honest.)  Like there was the time when I was 16 and performed this song "Cry of My Heart" at a youth retreat... I have always had extremely bad stage fright, but while I was playing, the audience went black and there was one light in the center of the blackness... I played/sang that whole song directly to God.  I think that was my first sort of "mystical" (unexplainable or supernatural) experience with Him.  There's also this thing that happens sometimes... It's usually just before something I need to hear... Where I smell this really strong smell of myrrh (I know it's myrhh, because after smelling it repeatedly, I smelled a ton of different oils until I could identify the fragrance)... and when I breathe, I can feel the air, oily, going into my nose and down my throat... Then, and this is the really strange thing... I prayed for years for a language for prayer to God... and this was way before I ever had any exposure to the "charismatic" church, but was basically just curious based on what I had read in the Bible... but anyway, when I finally received this language, it was only in song.  It is infrequent, but when it happens, I can't speak it, I can only sing it...


Music has always been prayer with me.  I have always loved singing, and wrote songs to God as prayers even as a child.  Then when I was 14, I learned how to play guitar.  And it is amazing how between words, the guitar just fills up the spaces, almost like that prayer language does, and the music becomes this full expression of myself before God... just who I am... a prayer.  And when I'm praying like that, I really feel like God can say anything to me in that moment, even without words, and I just know Him... He's just with me.  And crap I know that sounds cheesy, but I don't even care.  


So right now, I'm going through this just really painfully dry spell.  When I try to pray, I feel like I'm just speaking into the air... And the Bible, which usually talks directly to my heart... is just words...  And probably the worst of it is that when I try to play my guitar... I don't know... It's like I can't let myself feel anything...  It feels like all that was so tangible to me just maybe a couple months ago, is just gone... I don't like it.  I like sensing God.  But is that faith then?  I don't know, maybe not.  Maybe I've taken all those "signs" of his presence for granted.  Maybe he wants to know if I'll be faithful without all the evidence of him.  I want him so bad.  And I know that he deserves my praise even though I can't see him right now.  So I'm going to give it to him despite how I'm feeling.  The only thing that's changed is me.

"When I See"

Scripture:  Exodus 12:13... When I see the blood I will pass over you--- no disaster will touch you when I strike the land of Egypt.

Observation:  What I don't get is... Doesn't God see which houses hold Israelites and which hold Egyptians???  I mean it's not like he doesn't already know... Why all the fanfare?  I'm thinking there has always been an element of faith necessary to take hold of God's promises.  Perhaps he wanted to save those who believed him and acted on that belief with obedience.

Application:  Obedience.  Argh.  Do it even if you don't "feel" it.  I know he has fulfilled promises of intimacy and guidance before when I have believed him and obeyed regarding seeking his will in his word and through prayer and confession.  I just have to suck it up and do it again, even though I feel like I'm reading the phone book and talking to a brick wall.

Prayer:  I don't even know... Still be there, still take me back when I find you again...?

My apologies...

My apologies to anyone reading this pathetic excuse for a blog today.  I can't figure out how to make just one entry nonpublic, and the last time I shut it down things did not fare well for me so... Sorry.  I'm not very good at faking things anymore anyway though.  So...  this is me!

I'm not really sure what happened.  It's like I'm heeeeerrre... *listens*... and then nothing but an echo.  Honestly I don't even know if I've ever felt this way before.  Actually that's not true.  I remember the last time I felt this way and that makes me mad because I have felt like I've come so far from a year and a half ago til now.  It doesn't seem fair.  I remember being nervous about going to hub group for the first time and hating to be honest but divulging the state of my heart (not good).  At the time I guess I really had nothing to lose.

Last night I felt the same way going to hub group.  Nervous.  And my old favorite, afraid of being "found out."  I haven't felt that way in a long time.  It sucks.  The thing is I just don't really know what to do now.  I can't remember what I did then.  I can go through the motions I guess.  Read my Bible, pray... gosh I can't even remember what the other thing is... I just don't really WANT to.  Where did this apathy come from???  I've always had a hard time understanding how people can be this way... but now I'm having a hard time thinking of how to snap out of it...

Reflections on Fasting.

*heavy sigh*

Not even really sure where to begin.  Day 21, the final day of the Daniel Fast is tomorrow and I have been reflecting on this whole experience this year... I am disappointed... discouraged... but put in my place and amazed at the same time I guess... I've discovered some things about myself that are not nice, but I'm hopeful that maybe by next year's fast, my heart will be in a little better place.  I realize that while not *easy*, my strong will lets me do stuff like this and stick to it, despite how I feel or what obstacles come... HOWEVER it is also my strong will that enables me to keep God at arms-length... to do things my way even when I know what I need is to do it His way... to be one person on the outside and another on the inside at times... I totally sucked at this fast.  I did "great" as far as following the "rules."  But I just for some reason did not really connect with God during this whole time... or at least like the last week and a half or so.  In fact, maybe it was my rigid adherence to the fast that even may have kept me disconnected somewhat.  My focus was more on what I'm NOT supposed to do than on replacing my need for satisfying food with more of GOD.  That's where my disappointment comes in.  I feel like I've just wasted 3 weeks of potential heightened intimacy with my Father.  But I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  I'm going to change.  *heavy sigh* (yes, again)  I have gotten into sort of an uncomfortable comfortableness lately that's going to have to go.  And these are the things that are way harder to make my will conform to than simple do's and don'ts.  Those are so easy in the scheme of things.  I need to get back to the task of being a child.  Eyes open.  Willing.  Amazed.  It's so easy to let those things slip and so terrifying to be standing on the other side of that chasm knowing that it was me who put me there and that I'm completely powerless to restore myself.

The one really wonder-full thing I learned from this fast:

The amazing things that God does... the answers to prayer, the impossibilities, the miracles even...  He does them solely because of who He is.  How good I am or how totally crappy I am cannot change who He is and how He works.  I'm really grateful for that.

Romans 12:3
I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

Smile.ly—Be Heard. Be Happy.

Smile.ly—Be Heard. Be Happy.

I love to get free stuff in the mail! Today I was extra happy to get a full sized bottle of One A Day's new VitaCraves... gummie vitamins for grown-ups. It's all part of this nifty site... smile.ly.com in which you get to take part in special offers in return for your opinion... and we all know I have plenty of those right? lol. Anyhow, we love them. They don't taste like vitamins at all, and while they could be just a little softer, they're not bad at all! If you're interested in being part of the smile.ly missions, trying some new products, and airing your views... check out www.smile.ly.com

Progress Report

I didn't know what to title this...  It's sort of a "How I Did This Week" post... but I skipped last week... and just kinda wanted to update how I've been doing in general, rather than bore with the details which are becoming quite commonplace.

The last 2 weeks, I've shopped at a $75 budget.  That was a $25 cut from what I was used to shopping with.  I had decided ahead of time that my goal is to further drop that amount by $5 each week until I get to a constant $50-$60 per week total spending (that's all grocery and household goods, excluding ink and newspapers just to be clear, though that amount is nominal).  So this week was $70.  I spent $65 today between BiLo, Ingles and Publix leaving me $5 to hit Walgreens if I need to once I find out what their deals are this week.  I am thrilled!  I really wasn't sure how well I would do, but with some pretty hefty number crunching, not a little planning and self-control I didn't realize I possessed, I did it!  I am excited to see that number drop each week.  I was able to give the southernsavers.com site to the lady behind me at the checkout at BiLo today when she had to pick her jaw up off the floor at my totals.  And the cashier at Publix kept checking to make sure I really got all the items I handed her coupons for : )  I have always liked shocking people.  I don't know what it is about me.  I like to see that someone doesn't believe me and then proceed to prove them wrong.  Must be the willful smartass part of me.  Oh well, at least it's good for something!  So anyway, I am right on target for my goals for January, shopping at a constant 80%+ rate of savings over the last 3 weeks.  Not bad!

Fear.

Fear is a thief.  It steals glory that belongs to God by robbing us of opportunities to grow.  I came across this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson today:  "Always do what you are afraid to do."  I have been so incredibly blessed through working at The Haven shelter.  I cannot believe that I spoke for an hour and a half today, nearly non-stop about my story, overcoming tragedy, making ends meet, creative budgeting, etc etc... I had such a great time.  There were a couple people who were almost crying (maybe because I was talking so much).  I got to meet the new families today and they were all so friendly and receptive.  I feel very favored to get to share my experiences with them and to have an opportunity to get to be a small part of their lives.  They are great people and we are blessed have them as part of our community.  Don't run from fear.  Face it head on.  Rely on God's strength to get you through when you don't think you can do it... or even when it is ACTUALLY impossible for you to do it (Anybody who knows me, knows that I am decidedly NOT a public speaker).  What a thrilling thing to overcome fear and be able to be part of something God's doing.  What a huge amount of grace that is in my life.

Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands.
Matthew 10:28

Big Juicy Meaty Hamburgers.

I know probably not many people read this thing.  But if you do, and you have a spare 10 seconds or so, would you mind shooting up a little prayer for me?  I'm not trying to be a whiner, but I am having a difficult time with this fast.  This is day 12 of fruits and veggies.  I'm tired, my back hurts and I'm having dreams that I am eating hamburgers!!!  And I'm a vegetarian!  It's insane.  Seriously.  It's no big deal.  I do this every year.  But I've "hit the wall" so to speak.  And I know I just need to push through, seek more, stay focused, listen harder... I'm just at the point where my brain feels fuzzy and I feel like I'm forgetting to pray and I'm cranky and HUNGRY.  I spent a full 30 minutes today thinking about my "first meal" when this thing is over, and I don't want to do that.  I want God to speak to me and I want him to know that I'm serious about seeking his will.  But I'm feeling weak right now.  So if you could just say a quick prayer.  Thanks.

Learn something new every day...

It's funny.  I've learned something new about myself that surprises me.  I enjoy teaching.  I DO NOT enjoy teaching children.  I think maybe because I am uncomfortable with the idea of being in authority over someone (yes, I realize that since I have 4 children this could be an issue).  But I have found I'm absolutely thrilled with teaching other adults useful skills that will improve their lives.  The Haven definitely gives me this satisfaction.  I know that teaching them about budgeting and cooking will help them... and I love that I can empathize with them and make a real connection because I'm on their playing field.  I've had the opportunity to teach a few women the basics of couponing/shopping/budgeting as well... and it's just so exciting to me to see someone "get it" and be so elated that they now have the ability to change life in a good way for their families.  One of my biggest frustrations (if not THE biggest) is giving someone the information or advice or resources necessary to solve a problem, seeing them "get it," and watching them choose not to use it, but rather to just stay in the same "stuck-ness" that has them bound needlessly.  It just eats at me.  That must be the teacher in me.  I know, not really profound.  But that realization actually surprises me.

A New Year.

It's so strange... This morning when my 4 kids left for school, Allen left for school too... It truly is a New Year, and everything is changing.  It's exciting and a little scary how much things changed this last year for us, and this is just one more thing that has the ability to change the future for our family and everything about the way we live and the way we give.


I've been thinking alot lately about our financial goals for the future and it excites me to think that the principles that we learned from Dave Ramsey... "Live like no one else today so you can live like no one else tomorrow..." and the whole concept of having "more than enough" so you can share with those who don't have enough... I'm already seeing some of that happen, just with what I've learned about money management regarding grocery shopping these last couple months.  


I think it's so cool how we were created for fellowship, relationship with others and that our interdependence as a faith community rests so heavily on our trust in Jesus, the head of the Body.  I didn't know it was possible to really trust Him with something I didn't actually have (i.e. money), but what a difference it has made... almost the impossible.  I'm only 11 days into the 21 day Daniel fast.  I can't wait to see what He does next. 

Hungry.

I read THIS PASSAGE today.  What a motivating, cut straight to the heart and motives passage.  But the part about being blessed when you're ravenously hungry because it is then that you are ready for the Messianic meal... that's the part that jumped out at me today.  Granted, here in the U.S. not many of us are in danger of REALLY being "ravenously hungry."  And certainly I could live off my unused pregnancy stores X4 for quite some time!  But doing the Daniel fast definitely has given me that feeling of never being full... never being completely satisfied.  And it's good.  I feel hungry for Jesus.  For the "Messianic meal."  I wish it didn't take a fast to feel that way.  It's really interesting how this "Jesus thing" really has to be all-encompassing... You can't just have like your home life, your work life, your hobbies and education... and then... over here somewhere... your spiritual life.  I mean I know that's how it's probably practiced most often, especially places like here in the South where it is actually the "in thing" to "go to church" and say stuff like "have a blessed day."  But you can't really be SATISFIED by that.  The Holy Spirit can't let you feel ok with that I don't think.  I don't feel ok with that anyway.  

Lofty Goals

So I have a mission this week... I hesitate to mention it, because I am a little nervous.  I got mad at Allen last week when he said he wanted to give me a set amount of cash for groceries.  Not that I have been overspending.  I guess just to work more on a cash basis for pretty much everything.  But after I got mad, I thought about it and realized, hey, maybe my husband is not actually a complete idiot, but has rather a good idea.  And maybe I can turn this into a challenge for me.  So this next Friday, I am getting $75 in cash (that is $25 less than I've been spending).  That will be all my groceries and paper products/bath/body/etc.  Everything really.  So I'm kind of excited. Plus I downloaded this handy-dandy Excel Savings Tracker.  It is super cool.  It lets you set a budget goal for the month and track all your spending, coupons and savings rates.  I started using it January 1, and so far I am right on track with my goal of $300 for the month of January... Now I'm not making any promises, but my real goal (the one inside my head that I've been too afraid to put down on paper) is to cut that $75 by $5 each week until I get to $50 per week.  Ideally, I would like to put that $50 (the other half of my grocery budget) into savings for some specific goals.  We shall see.  I am also getting really really excited about starting back at The Haven Shelter (hopefully this Thursday)... I'm hoping one of our first classes back after the holidays will be something to do with budgeting so I can share some of my excitement with people who will benefit from it.  

***Also, just to update anyone who is praying with me during the Daniel fast:  Allen was able to register for 1 class this semester.  It is 3 credit hours... He really really needs to get into Anatomy & Physiology I, because he has 3 sciences that must be taken in order before he can apply to the nursing program.  If he got into each class when he needs it, it will still be next Spring before he can first apply to the program.  January 7th (that's this Thursday) is the last drop date for this semester.  Allen will be waiting at his advisor's door at 8am FRIDAY MORNING to see if he gets in to A&P... Please pray with me that this crazy schedule will somehow work out so he can get started!

Those Crazy Coupons!

Those Crazy Coupons!


Hopefully this link will work... It is a pic of my shopping trip at Publix today.  I spent $55 for $220 worth of groceries.  I am even impressed.  I think it's going to be time to take this thing to the next level.  From now on, I believe I am going to attempt to only shop Publix and CVS religiously.  And then hit the other stores only for exceptional deals, things I can get for free or nearly free.  This should move me much much closer to my ultimate goal of $50-$60 per week total spending.  And this is for a family of 6 folks... I am really excited about this.  I wanted to include a list of what exactly I purchased today.  I know I had my doubts about coupons in the past and others have asked questions like, "but do you buy things you don't need/won't use?" and "I bet you're not really getting much since you shop at expensive grocery stores... This list should clear up any confusion regarding if these crazy coupons actually work!  So here's the rundown:


1-Kellog's Pop-Tarts+Fiber
16-Campbell's Select Harvest Soups
2-Old El Paso Hard/Soft Taco Kits
1-Tostitos, family-size Tortilla Chips
9- Orville Redenbacher's Gourmet Popping Corn (these are the flavored varieties, including caramel, nacho, etc)
11- Fiber One Yogurt, multipack
2-Tam-X-ico Whole Wheat Tortillas
2-Skinny Cow Truffle Bars
4-Betty Crocker Sweet Potatoes and Butter and Herb mashed Potatoes
24- Campbell's tomato and chicken noodle soups
2-Wonka Gummies
1-Scotties Facial Tissues
4-Rubbermaid containers (sandwich size)
1-5lb box clementines
5-Slim Fast 100-calorie snack bars, 6ct boxes
4-Flintstones Gummy Vites


So there you have it!  A very rewarding shopping trip.  I've got to go get 4 jars of salsa from Walmart now at $0.12 each, and on the way back, pick up another free box of Electrasol dishwasher soap...  Now don't be hatin'.  You can do it too.  We've got to be smart and use all our resources in times like these.  I am so thankful for all the wise advice and resources that God has brought my way regarding making wise financial decisions and becoming a good manager of our home.  I have so much to learn, and to see progress like this and what a difference it makes for our family, is so very encouraging!  I hope that if you are new to this type of thing, especially those of you desiring to be worth more at home than you are in the work force, this can be an encouragement to you as well!  Have a great day!

Daniel Fast Prayer List

So I started my Daniel fast on the 1st and it will run through the 21st.  This is only my second day and I am feeling it!  I am anxious for the kids to get back to school so I can have some uninterrupted quiet time in the morning to focus on why I'm doing this in the first place!


Here is a sampling of prayers I am hoping to intensify with fasting during these 21 days:


My marriage- that God will show me new and creative ways to be supportive of my husband, have a respectful attitude and add light and fun to our marriage.


Parenting- that God will give me patience and teach me how to be consistent... perhaps bring some resources my way.


Allen's school situation- that God's will be done regarding him getting into the classes he needs to get going with his nursing degree and that the rest of us will be able to adjust our schedules and expectations accordingly.


Finances- Creativity!  Willingness!  Determination! (as Dave Ramsey says, GAZELLE INTENSITY!)


Health- Wisdom and resources regarding my health... whether to pursue medicine... lifestyle changes... and desire to learn and draw closer to Him through suffering... This is a big one for me...


Hub City Church- finances, favor, focus... leaders-keep focused on Jesus, DSSS, hear from God and do what he says... hub city family-open soft hearts, teachable, willing to push limits of comfort, learn to follow so we can lead...


Jonathan and Liz- creativity, innovation, favor with God and the community... in order to get going with adopting their baby girl from Ethiopia.




There's more, but this is a good starting point.  If anybody has any specific prayer, let me know.
E.T.A.  There is a particular prayer that I am focusing on for a couple who is part of our church... They don't know I'm praying for them, and I think it would pretty much take a miracle for this prayer to be answered... But I wanted to add this note so that if it does happen, I can look back and say See, God answered prayer, and it matters when we're in agreement with each other!