Spirit/Law

It is much harder to take *each thought* captive in obedience, than it is to just think the right thoughts and do the right thing... Don't ask me what the difference is.  It doesn't seem like there would even be a difference.  But there is.  We have such a complicated faith.  Or simple rather... but difficult.  SIGH.  Each day, each moment... I'm not one to really look forward to "the end of it all"... BUT the thought of actually resting... not having to constantly try so hard and struggle so much... is really super appealing.  I can almost not wait til I can just love my Father face to face.  I can't imagine how free we'll all be.

Pregnant.

No, I'm not pregnant.  That would take a miracle.  And I'm not sure either my husband or I would view it as such.  But I have had pregnancy on the brain to some extent lately with 2 births in our church coming up soon.  And then we've been watching the TV series Lost, the 1st season, and last night I dreamed I was the pregnant girl (I think her name is Claire--I'm really bad with names), and I had to decide whether or not to give up the baby.

So I've been thinking about pregnancy a bit.  I can remember (I've given birth to 4 babies) my fear of giving birth, not to mention all the responsibility that comes afterward, being so strong that I actually felt like I would prefer to just stay pregnant forever.  Not that I liked resembling a beached whale who could now eat my weight in crunchy tacos and turkey jerky.  But I guess I figured it was familiar, and I knew how to do it, so it was almost comfortable compared to the unknown that lay ahead of me.  Now, anybody who has ever been pregnant knows you can't feel like that for long!  Eventually you become so miserably and completely... pregnant... that you would do just about anything to get the baby out.  And then you worry about your unpreparedness for raising this little person later when you no longer have the choice... because I don't care how many classes you take or books you read, you are NEVER ready or equipped to help mold this little chubby, needy clean slate of a baby into a real thinking, growing person.

So I don't know... I think it's like that in a lot of areas of life, especially as Christians.  We get to this place that even though maybe it's not ideal, or even really comfortable... we just kind of settle in and feel like, OK I can just keep doing this, maybe forever... I mean, Yeah maybe I'm a little cumbersome and perhaps even slightly miserable... but hey-- I've been doing it this long... maybe it's easier than what comes next.

Giving birth is painful.  Those "Childbirth without Fear" freaks who talk about birth orgasms and say that you can have a pain-free labor... they are cracked.  Seriously.  BUT the best advice I have ever received or given regarding birth is that when you make the decision to work WITH the pain, and choose to view the surges (contractions) as a positive force, something which, while painful, is accomplishing, moving... If you can choose to see it that way... then you are no longer a victim of some terrible curse on women... You are a participant, a co-laborer with God at bringing about the miracle of life.

I think it's that way when we follow Jesus.  And I don't think giving birth is a one time thing in our Christian lives.  And sometimes I think the fact that we've already given birth and we know that pain... I think we can hold ourselves back in subsequent pregnancies out of fear.  Really I wonder how many of us are just walking around in a pretty much constant state of pregnancy as Christians.  Filled with all kinds of God-gifts that we're unable to use or develop because we'd rather just stay miserable than face the unknown and have to figure out how to do all this all over again.

God is spoken of as a midwife in the Bible.  He was midwife at our physical births.  And I believe He is both the impregnator and the midwife in all kinds of births after that.   I don't think God wants to force birth on us.  The act of impregnating us was one of love, not violence.  He is our lover, our husband.  And birth, while painful, is something to celebrate together... the tangible outcome of our love for each other.

A Different Kind of Writer's Block

I am torn between wanting to write something so badly I can taste it... and wishing someone else had already written what I need to say.

I kinda feel that way about life right now.

Your Hands

Yesterday and today I've learned this song.  It's called Your Hands by JJ Heller.  I think I'm even going to get a harmonica soon so I can play that part : )

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousands ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away


I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord before these feet of mine
Oh Lord before these feet of mine


When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
And when my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands


When you walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yeah one day You will set all things right


When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
And when my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands


Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me
They hold me still
Your hands that shape the whole world
Are holding me
They hold me still


When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
And when my heart is breaking
I never leave You
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
And when my heart is breaking
I never leave
No I never leave Your hands.

Railroad Tracks

I read this today and thought it was really good.  Really simple, but true.

Organic Church Life Doesn’t Work . . .

Friday nights @ my house

No introspection here (is that a collective sigh of relief I hear?).  It's Friday night.  And no one is whining.  What???  Are you sure you are at your house???  With your children???  Are you on something???

It's a little trick I learned from my friend Liz on Halloween.  It was our first time doing anything for Halloween, so on top of taking part in the devil's holiday, I was pretty stressed out about my children having access to large quantities of sugar.  Then she said something that made my stomach clench up and my heart start to palpitate.  She said, Oh just let them sit down and eat as much as they want, it's only one day a year!  Now granted, there has been more than one occasion to behave in such a heathen manner since... However, no one has been irreversibly damaged, not even me (Allen is a different story, he almost went into a diabetic coma due to Halloween over-indulgence).

So it's Friday night.  I'm wiped out.  The house is a mess (that's not so different from any other night).  And the kids are drinking all the juice and eating all the pizza they want.  And everybody is HAPPY and RELAXED.  Even me.

Satisfying

I'm not a big shopper.  I know that sounds funny coming from someone who now practically makes a living off of clipping coupons and making intricate lists and shopping at every store in town most every week.  I just don't really get into it, and spending money makes my heart rate increase and I really prefer curling up on the couch with a good book or my guitar rather than braving the brightly lit, noisy grocery stores.  It is people like me that ecommerce first thought of.

However, I am past the point of no return now.

And even more satisfying than being able to do this for us (as rewarding as it has been!) has been seeing other people figure it out.  I was so so excited this Thursday when I went to the Haven... I was met at the door by everybody bragging on the success of one of the young ladies there who tried her hand at CVS last week and made a killing on laundry detergent and other necessities.  I love to see peoples' faces light up, knowing that they have this tool, this knowledge that can make their lives better... and to see how eager they are to share that with others who need it.    I think that must be what keeps teachers and pastors going... that "Aha!"  I love that.  It makes all the difficulty I have doing something that makes me uncomfortable worth it and then some.

SPECIAL.

I have been a total mess lately.  I have felt like I've had the weight of the whole world on my shoulders since my husband has gone back to school, and it seems like everything possible has happened since then to just add more and more on me.  I know it could be way way worse.  I'm not trying to be a complainer.  But I've had a really hard time lately with Christian, and even just the anticipation of doctor's visits and paperwork, etc... it really stresses me out.  So I've been really nervous leading up to today, which was my first support group meeting for kids on the autism spectrum (he is not diagnosed as such, but demonstrates some of the traits, and I just thought maybe I would get some help there).  For one, I get really nervous around new people.  And the other thing is that I have spent quite awhile feeling pretty "normal" with our past obsession lasting longer than a year!  So when everything changed up after Christmas, I started feeling very unsettled and pressured.

I learned a lot today.  It was nice being someone who is largely ignorant of how these things work and what help is out there.  It was nice to just sit back and receive wisdom from some women who have been/are there.  I got some great suggestions.  And just being in a room (a small room) with some open, real faces... made me feel better about where we are and what I have to look forward to.  I feel a lot less stressed knowing nobody there was judging me for the things I said or how I've dealt with our issues.  It took a huge weight off of me.  I'm relieved to know that there are these other people out there who, while they may not have all the answers, can offer suggestions and even just compassion... It was really nice.

Here's some stuff I learned from the guest speaker, Kim Singleton, regarding Getting along with your IEP team... I can see lots of other ways to apply this info though!

Sugar (in words and snacks)
Power of your pen-- you can sign or not sign
Engage each person-- each person may feel differently than the collective group, but you don't know   until you ask
Child's needs 1st (school and family 2nd)
Idea toss-- make them think your great ideas are theirs!
Agree first, suggest second-- give them props for their professional standing and then ask gently or lead to draw out other options
Listen hardest to the hard stuff-- the stuff that makes you want to kill people or protect yourself may be the stuff that you really really need to hear...

Pulling Teeth.

So I thought Leviticus was bad.  


Remember that movie with Tom Hanks?  The one where he is on this island, like forever, and he's talking to a volleyball?  And he has a tooth that is rotting out of his face, so (obviously, the island devoid of dentistry) he takes like a really sharp rock and hammers his own tooth out?


So you have that scene firmly implanted into your mind right?


Ok.  That's Numbers.


Yep.  So I found myself back in the Psalms today.
I love this:


But me he caught---reached all the way
from sky to sea; he pulled me out
Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,
the void in which I was drowning.
They hit me when I was down,
but God stuck by me.
He stood me up on a wide-open field;
I stood there saved---surprised to be loved!
~Psalm 18:16-19


If I were an artist (I am decidedly not), I would draw or paint that scene.  I think I could create that over and over, a million different ways and never get tired of the Standing in a wide open field, saved and surprised to be loved part.  That's like my autobiography.  Probably all of ours if we think about it.  But ME He caught.  ME.  Not us, not the whole world.  Just me, out of an entire ocean, out of chaos, out of emptiness.  Why would He do that?  Honestly, I don't even really want to know.  I don't think I can handle it.  But I'm really grateful and amazed.

Old and Fat.

I've had a hard time reading lately.  I think because my reading plan has been in Leviticus, and when I open my Bible to that book, my brain has this default dinner-planning mode that switches on... so no matter what my eyes see on the page, my brain is going Yes, I have rice and salsa, and black beans would go well with that...

But today I got to read some in Psalms.  I like David a lot.  I think I've mentioned that.  I mean, yes, he is a schmuck.  But I love that he just is who he is and that God accepts him that way.  I love the way he writes and that he doesn't appear to care too much what his readers may think of him.  Maybe that's why I like him so much.  I think I am that way.  It's not that I don't care.  It's just that I can't quite seem to misrepresent myself to portray the person that I think everybody would like.  The thought of trying to pull that off exhausts me anyway.

This verse jumped out at me today:

Psalm 25:21
Use all your skill to put me together; I wait to see your finished product.

My thoughts on that?  So glad you asked.  No matter how old or fat I get, and no matter how smart I think I've become... I always feel like a little kid with God.  It's such a good feeling.  I don't much care for the old, fat, smart me... I think who I am when I am with God is who I REALLY am.  I like that me, because in that relationship my worth is not based on what I know or my experiences or skills... my worth comes only from who He is, and when I am letting myself just be His child instead of all that other stuff, things are just the way they're supposed to be and all is well with the universe.  He really is my Rock.  He never changes and He shows me who I am when I forget.

Just a Dream...

So I had this dream a few nights ago.  Maybe it's nothing, but I can't stop thinking about it, so I thought maybe it would be good to write it down so I don't forget it.  I have had a couple dreams that were important in the past, one that came true and has unfolded layers of meaning over the span of several years and another that I have to wonder about... So here is the one I had the other night: (and I realize not everybody will realize all context, etc, and that's ok, I just want to get it down on "paper")

I was coming out of a store (where there is none in real life) near the theatre where our church gathers on Sunday mornings.  I had a cart loaded up with really really nice clothes.  All folded neatly, name brands.  I had gotten the whole load of clothing for next to nothing.  They weren't for me.  I was going to a shiny pickup truck in the parking lot to load them up, with the help of a lady who is no longer with our church... in fact I barely recognized her, but I know that's who it was.  She was asking me how the turn-out was for a collection event for the community center.  I told her Not that great... I and one other person had to handle it all because though tons of people from the church showed up, we had so very many projects and programs going on, that there weren't enough people to go around for everything.

On the way over to the truck, I passed 2 people, a man and a woman.  I dream in brilliant color, but these 2 people and everything surrounding them was dull and drab, all shades of gray and tan.  They were both pale and skinny, dressed in old ragged clothes.  The woman was rail thin, but about 8 months pregnant.  She didn't look healthy, but she was pushing a huge cart load of clothing (as was he) over to pile after pile of clothes lined up in the parking lot.  They were loading these torn, dirty, wrinkled clothes into a beat up, rusted old truck.  I knew in the dream that they were people who had made it their life's work and mission to serve others.  They were collecting clothing for the poor and had done so for a long long time.  They were so tired.  The weariness and heaviness around them was almost visible.  I felt silly and shallow chattering on about the goings-on of our church...

Then I woke up.  And I have not been able to get that dream out of my mind.  The moment I opened my eyes, I felt like I wanted to go find those 2 people... and help them.  I felt responsible.  I knew that some things that I know could make life a little easier for them, give them room to breathe a bit.  I felt like I had to make a decision.  I'm still not 100% sure what that decision is.  I know some people don't put stock in dreams.  And I definitely think there are dreams that are just nonsense or our brains' way of working things out.  But I also know from experience that God uses our receptiveness in sleep on occasion to get to us in a way that is only possible when we are so vulnerable.  And honestly, there is just a different quality to the dreams that He gives me... I remember them so clearly.  And they make me want to talk to Him... ask questions... ask So what are You trying to say to me?!?

So anyway, that's all.  Except I did just realize this is the first dream I've had (like this) since entering my "Funk of 2010..."  I'm grateful for it.  He has me thinking and wondering...

Passion

No, this is not my contribution to the upcoming Valentine's Day.  Valentine's Day is my least favorite holiday.  I don't like roses or jewelry and TV commercials this time of year make me sick to my stomach.  Maybe it is the nonconformist in me, but I would prefer my husband just NOT tell me he loves me that day, and then make up for it by being genuine all others.  Blech.  Gag.  Retch.

ANYWAY.

I heard this on the radio today (or something to this effect)
"Your passion is bigger than all your fears and insecurities.">Beth Moore

That really grabbed my attention.  I mean, I'm a really passionate person.  Almost freakishly so sometimes. I do everything 100% (except housework.  it is NOT a passion of mine).  There are a lot of things that I am passionate about.  Things I really want (and feel God's leading) to do.

Unfortunately, I also have a lot of fears and insecurities.  Some founded and some not.  Some I've had my whole life (stage fright for one!) and some I've cultivated through experience as an adult...

But here's what popped in my mind when I heard that quote--- If MY passion is bigger than my fears and insecurities, then certainly GOD's passion is bigger than my fears and insecurities.  I can't wait to see how He will overcome some of them.  I just hope it doesn't hurt too bad... Hear that?!?!?

Questions...

So I told you I'm reading Brian McLaren's new book, A New Kind of Christianity, courtesy of viralbloggers.  I'll be honest.  This is actually the first book I've read of his.  I've read a few articles, some excerpts here and there, but the reason I jumped on this book so fast was all the hype surrounding the author.

I've heard the words "heresy" and "controversial" used so very many times regarding McLaren... I had to find out for myself.  Now I know I am supposed to be reviewing the book, not the author... But I have to say, while I'm sure I don't necessarily agree 100% with all his conclusions, as a person who asks questions myself, I find myself endeared to McLaren as one not afraid to question.

I picture the author as someone who when asked a question, though he is able to provide many possible answers, may also answer with "I don't know."  And that is refreshing.

I have to wonder... Why all the hype?  Just an observation from my own experience, but I think that pastors (and I am generalizing here) feel the burden of responsibility to not just shepherd, not just seek Jesus themselves, but to "defend the Faith."  And when "The Faith" extends into matters of theology, it becomes dangerous to not have all the answers.  What happens if people find out you don't have the answer?  What happens if we can't be sure where God stands on important issues?  What if The Bible doesn't actually have an answer to every question, every problem, every issue?  Now, don't get me wrong and label me a heretic... I believe the Bible has THE answer... Jesus.  But what if it doesn't have a black/white, do this/don't do that type of answer to every question?

I love that McLaren is brave in asking these "Ten Questions That Are Transforming The Faith" (Narrative, Authority, God, Jesus, Gospel, Church, Sex, Future, Pluralism, What-Do-We-Do-Now).  I think just asking these questions... admitting that as Christians, we don't have all the answers... acknowledging the importance and validity of these questions (and others like them)... I think that's a step in the right direction.  To say, Ok, so we don't have it all together, and we refuse to make stuff up or continue to stand on what we know deep down is shaky ground... We're not going to cop out like that anymore... I think to repent like that to the unbelieving world around us really means something.  And I think that rather than discrediting us... Christianity (what pastors with "all the answers" are afraid of), not being afraid to ask GIVES credit to God... where credit belongs in the first place.

So thanks Brian McLaren for not being afraid.  Thanks for not having all the answers.  And thanks for putting it into wonderful, hope-inspired, beautifully thought and written words in your book A New Kind of Christianity.  I pray that as a result, the rest of us will allow our hearts to be soft and teachable enough to ask our own questions, even when there are no answers, and continue to stand on the one answerable question, Jesus...

How the??? Who the??? Wha???

I have a huge smile on my face right now.  Really.  You should see it.  Big shit-eatin' grin (I never quite "got" that phrase... think about it for just a second or two...)


Anyway.  I just went to two Walgreens stores, spent a couple hours and $6.34+tax on 8 transactions totaling over $230 (when I total it, it's less... must be sale prices is all I can figure) worth of merchandise.


Yeah.


Feelin pretty darned good.


So let me tell you how I did it.


I started this week's shopping with 10 Register Rewards (RRs) from my purchase of Joint Juice last week.  Found out this is a deal running the entire month!  Yay!  I love this stuff and I'm hoping it will help with the joint swelling I get when my illness flares up.


Key-- 
store Q: Walgreens ad coupon
man Q: Manufacturer coupon, generally from the newspaper or printed from online
RR: Register Reward, Walgreens reward system, issued by the manufacturer for promotion
B1G1 Q: Buy1 Get1 coupon


Question-- Why all the Valentine pencils/pins?
                    When shopping at Walgreens, one of the most important things to know is that their RRs count as manufacturers coupons.  And even though they will accept 1 manufacturer coupon AND 1 store coupon per item... The total number of coupons used must not exceed the total number of items purchased.  SO, all those itty bitty purchases are my "fillers."  Simply cheap items to boost my product number so that I can pay with all those delightful little coupons, aka other people's money!  So.... read on and then get out there and do some shopping!  And if you won't use the Joint Juice, you can always pass it along to someone who will *wink wink nudge nudge* (I will gladly trade some toothpaste or tabasco sauce!)

Question-- Why the rotating transactions (razors, joint juice, razors, joint juice, etc)?
                  This is the other important thing to remember when shopping at Walgreens.  Because Walgreens has no loyalty card, they have to have safeties in place to attempt to limit the number of deals you can take advantage of.  Let's say you make the Joint Juice purchase and get $10RR back.  If you go back and make another Joint Juice purchase and attempt to pay with the $10RR you received from the previous Joint Juice purchase, another RR WILL NOT PRINT.  In fact anything within that manufacturer family will have the same outcome.  So pay attention to your transactions.  Line everything up ahead of time so you know what you're doing.  And relax!  If you mess up a time or two in the learning, it's not the end of the world.  Chalk it up to experience and go back the next week armed and more ready for the game!

Question-- Do you have no shame???
                  Apparently not.  See, here's the thing.  I know that when I pay with manufacturer's coupons and RRs (which remember are manufacturer's coupons as well), Walgreens is getting paid the face value of the coupon PLUS $0.08 handling.  SO.  No, I am not ashamed to wait in line 8 times to score enough body wash, razors, toothpaste, whatever! to last my family a year and still have enough left to give away... In fact, you can thank me and people like me (people with no shame) for boosting the economy!


Transaction #1:
Gillette Fusion Razor 8.99
Dove Body Wash 5.99
Valentine Pencils 0.59
                             0.41
                             0.50
-.90 store Q
-10.00 RR
-4.00 manQ
-1.50 manQ
Subtotal: $0.08-- got a $6RR and a $4RR back


Transaction #2:
Valentine Pencils 0.59
                             0.41
Joint Juice 10.00 SALE
Joint Juice 10.00 SALE
-0.60 store Q
-6.00 RR
-4.00 RR
-10.00 B1G1 Q
Subtotal: $0.40-- got a $10RR back


Transaction #3:
Gillette Fusion Razor 8.99
Valentine Pencils 0.59
                             0.41
                             0.50
Dove Body Wash 5.99
-0.90 store Q
-4.00 manQ
-1.50 manQ
-10.00 RR
Subtotal: $0.08-- got a $6RR and a $4RR back


Transaction #4:
Joint Juice 10.00 SALE
Joint Juice 10.00 SALE
Valentine Pencil 0.39
                           0.39
-10.00 B1G1 Q
-6.00 RR
-4.00 RR
Subtotal: $0.78-- got a $10RR back


Transaction #5:
Dove Body Wash 5.99
Gillette Fusion Razor 8.99
Valentine Pencil 0.59
                           0.41
                           0.50
-0.90 store Q
-4.00 man Q
-1.25 man Q
-10.00 RR
Subtotal: $0.33-- got a $6RR and a $4RR back


Transaction #6:
Gillette Fusion Shave Gel 4.29
Gillette Fusion Shave Gel 4.29
Joint Juice 10.00 SALE
Joint Juice 10.00 SALE
Valentine Pin 0.69
                       0.31
                       0.50
-4.60 store Q
-1.00 man Q
-1.00 man Q
-10.00 B1G1 Q
-1.50 RR (left by the guy in front of me)
-6.00 RR
-4.00 RR
Subtotal: $1.98-- got a $10RR back


Transaction #7:
Dove Body Wash 5.99
Gillette Fusion Razor 8.99
Valentine Pin 0.69
                       0.31
-1.25 man Q
-4.00 man Q
-10.00 RR
Subtotal: $0.73-- got back a $6RR and a $4RR


Transaction #8:
Pull Ups Jumbo Pack 8.99 SALE
Valentine Pin 0.69
                       0.31
Gillette Fusion Shave Gel 4.29
Gillette Fusion Shave Gel 4.29
Gillette Fusion Shave Gel 4.29
-6.90 store Q
-1.00 man Q
-1.00 man Q
-2.00 man Q
-6.00 RR
-4.00 RR
Subtotal: $1.96-- got back $3RR

Unexpected

If I had to pick one thing that I love most about God, I think it may be that he does unexpected things through unexpected people.

And it's funny... Because really you would think that by now, we would have seen enough of this, that it would no longer be *unexpected.*  I guess we're just slow.

A couple things I've learned this weekend from some unexpected sources:  #1---Don't look down on anybody.  Everybody is beloved of God and made to be an expression of Him.  Don't be surprised when He uses the "lowest of the low," the rejected, the sinner, to accomplish His purposes.  That's just how He rolls.  And #2---Be brave.  You too are the "lowest of the low," the rejected and the sinner.  If you take the time to hear from Him and do what He says, He can and will use you to accomplish His purposes.  It doesn't even have to be possible.  The answer or solution doesn't come through YOU, but through Him who lives in you if you're brave enough to listen and obey.

Drama, Drama, Drama

Ok, so I know I said I wasn't going to post again til I finished with A New Kind of Christianity.  And I know you don't really need one of my "thoughts" to make your day.  But I'm tellin ya, I just can't seem to control myself.  So here it is.


I was reading THIS today.  And the words "unspoken truth is spoken everywhere" just jumped out at me.  I thought, That sounds like something I would say...  You know, kind of cheesy and overdone... And it made me think, you know... I am really glad that God valued David's thoughts enough to have him record them and be remembered and read today.  It makes me feel a lot better to know that God was able to take David in all his whining, sappy, overdramatic wordiness... and find glory in that.  I think it's really nifty that when I read those words..."unspoken truth is spoken everywhere," I just can't hold back praise to God in all His creative... big-ness... I hope I can bring glory to God like that some day.  That almost sounds heretical.  I know He made me to do that though.

A New Kind of Christianity

I've said it before... I LOVE to get "happy" things in the mail (you know, the non-asking-me-for-money type stuff)... In fact there is only one thing I love MORE than getting happy things in the mail.  It is getting FREE HAPPY things in the mail.

I was SO SO very happy to get my free copy of Brian McLaren's new (not even released yet!) book, A New Kind of Christianity, Ten Questions That Are Transforming the Faith.  I have been in need of a really engaging read for some time now, and I have a feeling this may be it!

Check it out... Here are the "Ten Questions:"

Part I:  The Narrative Question

     What Is the Overarching Story Line of the Bible?

     Setting the Stage for the Biblical Narrative

     The Biblical Narrative in Three Dimensions

Part II:  The Authority Question

     How Should the Bible Be Understood?

     From Legal Constitution to Community Library

     Revelation Through Conversation

Part III:  The God Question

     Is God Violent?

     From a Violent Tribal God to a Christlike God

Part IV:  The Jesus Question

     Who Is Jesus and Why Is He Important?

     Jesus Outside the Lines

Part V:  The Gospel Question

     What Is the Gospel?

     Jesus and the Kingdom of God

Part VI:  The Church Question

     What Do We Do About the Church?

Part VII:  The Sex Question

     Can We Find a Way to Address Human Sexuality Without Fighting About It?

Part VIII:  The Future Question

     Can We Find a Better Way of Viewing the Future?

Part IX:  The Pluralism Question

     How Should Followers of Jesus Relate to People of Other Religions?

Part X:  The What-Do-We-Do-Now Question

     How Can We Translate Our Quest into Action?

Ooooh!  Doesn't that make you want to go get the book?  I have to admit, I already bristled a bit at a couple of those questions... sign that this should be interesting and challenging!  

If you'd like to take a look inside the book or preorder it, check out THIS LINK

Ok, now let's see if I can resist posting anything until I finish the book in a few days!

Tiny.

I've been listening to a lot of Enter The Worship Circle stuff recently.  Here's the lyrics to the song I learned yesterday.  And then I'll tell you why it made such an impression on me.

TINY

with my tiny hands

with my tiny fingers

i will reach out hard to You

in this tiny room

with these tiny people

i will tell the truth to You

You are faithful You are strong

You are goodness i am wrong

You are larger more than anything

You're everything to me

with my tiny words in this tiny song

i will sing my heart to You

on my tiny knees with my tiny dreams

i will give my life to You

I am really struggling with some things.  I feel like my mind is on too many things.  One of the things that is overwhelming me right now is our son Christian.  Christian is... truthfully one of the neatest, most gifted and special kids out there.  He has to be.  Now in exchange for being so awesome, he has some sort of interesting qualities which can act as limitations if not directed properly... Ever since Christian was a baby, he has had special super sensory powers LoL.  I am being serious.  Not like Heroes or anything, but he does have "super hearing" (can hear things far away long before "normal" people) and is extremely sensitive to touch and visual stimuli as well.  He also has the gift of being able to intensely focus.  Like when he was two, he could not speak at all (we used sign language), but when prompted, he could point to every letter of the alphabet in books.  At 3, he could reproduce intricate drawings of robots (Wall-E in particular) from memory.  At 4 began his obsession with "bones" (skeletons), which when encouraged, turned into a fascination with how the human body works together... bones, muscles, joints, blood vessels... The kid loves documentaries and effortlessly draws bodies with all their parts... It's really something amazing to see.  Christian is so lovely.  The only problem is that we can never quite tell what is going to draw his focus.  We got a WII for Christmas.  We thought it would be fun and beneficial for his coordination to play the boxing game.  Unfortunately, it has turned into an unhealthy obsession for him that is just eating up every aspect of his (and our) life right now.  It's so frustrating.  Actually scary even.  And this is where I get to TINY.  I feel way too small to even comprehend what's going on with my son.  It's one of those things... like Cancer or MS or the autoimmune crap that I deal with... There is no human solution.  These things are not understood.  We are too little.  Things that we do to try to manage these big things oftentimes makes them worse or causes problems with other things.  It's like forced rest.  My worry and anxiety and striving actually does nothing.  Or maybe worse than nothing.  I have no choice but to realize how tiny I am and let the only one big enough to handle it take over.  If anyone feels the urge to pray for Christian and us right now, I would be very thankful.

Biting my Tongue

Ok.  I have 0 authority to write on the subject of tongue biting... unless you count the times that I have *actually* bitten my tongue... you know, eating like an animal at the trough or something...


No, I'm talking about a subject I know little to nothing about... or maybe I *know* a bit about it, but I'm not very good at acting on what I know...


The Bible has lots to say about biting (holding) one's tongue:  Proverbs 15:1 a sharp tongue, Proverbs 19:11 smart people hold their tongues, Proverbs 21:23 watch your words, Proverbs 25:23 gossip-not cool... reading through Proverbs you start wondering, gosh does anything nice or sweet or good ever come from this tiny organ we cause so much evil and destruction with?


Some people just seem naturally good at not saying everything that pops into their brains.  I can't stand those people... Just like that Proverbs 31 woman... don't like her... at all.  Ok, not really, but I am really jealous and wonder if it really does come naturally or if it's something that most people have worked at all their lives and I'm just getting a late start?  It seems like I just have to say something!  Especially if someone is being rude or nasty or judgmental toward me (or I perceive that they are)... Wow, it's amazing how fast I bite back with something hurtful or sarcastic.  I mean, the words are just out before I even have a chance to think about what I'm going to say... Not good.


Why the heck I'm even writing about this, I have no idea.  Except that I'm working through some schtick right now.  Alot of things I've been pretending not to hear for awhile now.  I'm thinking it may just be easier to do what God says, even though it's hard, instead of dealing with the consequences of ignoring Him on this point and that point or on this minor issue or just this once over here... until pretty soon you think... What does His voice sound like again?  Seems like it's been awhile... And I've been thinking especially what living like Jesus actually means... what that looks like... and I'm thinking I'm fairly certain it doesn't involve tearing others down, being a know-it-all, or always getting in the last word.


So what now?


???


I'm just making time to read my Bible every day.  Reflecting on what God might be saying to me through His Word.  Asking Him to make Himself known to me.  And trusting that with time, I'll feel that closeness again.  That the relationship won't feel so forced.  Or so distant.  And I'm thinking that maybe through this process, I'll become a little more consistent, a little more reliable, and maybe He will trust me with more.  I think I want that.

Live Sent--- you are a letter

I got this book, by Jason C Dukes in the mail through viralbloggers.com a few weeks ago.  I haven't completely finished it.  It came at sort of an interesting time for me, so I have been kind of trudging through it bit by bit... taking my time to really read and digest.  


My initial impression of the book was actually not super positive.  I am sort of anti-gimmick, and the "hipness factor" seemed overdone to me at first... I was afraid this would be an easy to hear, easy to read type of book.  


I was dead wrong.


It looks easy.  It looks fun.  It looks hip.


Maybe I'm the only one (I doubt it, and I hope not), but I am having a really difficult time reading of just the stark, real, raw way that God loves me... And this is only the beginning of the book!  Mr. Dukes goes on to explain that Because God loves you in this way (He loves us, period.  He chooses to love us. He loves us so that we will love.), we can turn around in His strength and love others in the same way... we can "live sent."


I want to give you just a little taste of the book and writing style.  This is really good stuff.  No wasted words.  And like I said, I haven't finished it yet, but I feel like I can already recommend it.


"Herod wouldn't see a young husband and pregnant wife returning to Bethlehem for the census as a threat to his reign.  He would have been looking for a charismatic leader with a following.  Herod wouldn't look for a baby in a manger.  He would have looked for someone staying in palatial accommodations.  The problem is most of us don't look below the radar in that way either.  We have made godliness out to be prosperity and appearing to have it all together.  Not an outcast couple who had to make it on the very least." (pg 33)


"He loves us, period."
"He chooses to love us."
"He loves us so that we will love."
[do you actually believe that He loves you unconditionally?]
[do you think that love and respect and trust must be earned, or must they be given?]---OUCH (my words!)
[do you love people for how it makes you feel, or do you love them as a catalyst that causes them to love, even if you never get anything in return for your love?]


And just one more, and I thought this was really huge...
"When you commit to love someone---marriage, friendship, child, whatever---are you committing to love them for what they become and what they get out of it, or for how you feel and what you get in return?" (pg 39)


I can't sit here and quote the whole book for you.  Go get it.
Here's some linkage to check out.


Book Blog
Personal Blog
Jason speaking at the LIVE SENT 2009 Conversation
Live Sent YouTube channel

Monthly Finals!

Okie dokie.  I know some of you are probably getting a little weary of hearing all about shopping, coupons, money, etc.  And I probably won't do this every month, but being my first time recording every shopping trip on this savings tracker dealie... I am a little excited at the outcome!  I did go about $6 over my anticipated budget for the month, but it was a 5 pay period month, and I had a ton of coupons that expired yesterday... so I just had to get out there for one last hurrah!  I just thought maybe seeing actual numbers would help some of you (especially those stay-at-homes who are striving to be worth more at home than in the workplace) to see just how this all pans out in the end!  The one thing about these results that thrills me the most is that now that we have a fairly decent stockpile of most of the things we use use as a family... next month, my big mission is to start finding people to give our excess to!  So if any of you reading know specific people/families in need of a blessing, please let me know... or if that's you, send me a list!

1 thing I wanted to add that may not be clear:  The last column... when it lists "RR" or "ECB" or $5 off, etc... That is money that the retailer gave me back after my purchase, to go toward my next purchase.  That savings was not figured into my percentage savings, but is used as a coupon on the next purchase I make at that store.  Just wanted to be clear in case that was confusing!  : )

E.T.A.  And just one more thing... and then I promise I'll leave you alone... for at least most of a day anyway.   This is each individual *transaction*, not necessarily each *visit* to a store... For instance, I will normally make between 2-5 transactions when I visit CVS or Walgreens.  Just didn't want anybody thinking I was spending each day driving back and forth between my house and the store!

January-at-a-Glance
Total Shelf Cost:			$1,868.70			Monthly Budget:		$375.00
Total Coupon Savings:			$1,081.44			Variance:		$(6.42)
Total Savings:			$1,487.28
Amount Paid (after rebates):			$381.42			Rebates Owed:		$-
Savings Rate:			79.59%			Amount Paid (exc. Rebates)		$381.42
January Spending & Saving Details
Date	Store	Shelf Cost	Coupons	Discounts	Rebates*	Total Savings	Amt Paid	Savings Rate	Comments
01/04/10	Publix	$217.33	$74.20	$87.56		$161.76	$55.57	74.43%
01/04/10	BiLo	$6.76	$6.76			$6.76	$-	100.00%
01/04/10	Walgreens	$8.95	$4.50	$2.50		$7.00	$1.95	78.21%	1 RR
01/03/10	Walgreens	$31.96	$15.50	$10.90		$26.40	$5.56	82.60%	1 RR
01/04/10	CVS	$7.98	$5.99			$5.99	$1.99	75.06%	6 ECB
01/04/10	CVS	$7.98	$3.99			$3.99	$3.99	50.00%	6 ECB
01/04/10	Walmart	$3.74	$3.74			$3.74	$-	100.00%
01/03/10	CVS	$6.58	$6.33			$6.33	$0.25	96.20%	2 ECB
01/03/10	CVS	$16.55	$16.00			$16.00	$0.55	96.68%	4 ECB
01/04/10	Walgreens	$5.99	$2.50	$2.50		$5.00	$0.99	83.47%	1 RR
01/04/10	Walgreens	$5.99	$2.50	$2.50		$5.00	$0.99	83.47%	1 RR
01/04/10	Walgreens	$2.00	$2.00			$2.00	$-	100.00%
01/05/10	CVS	$14.98	$12.00	$2.98		$14.98	$-	100.00%	12ECB
01/05/10	CVS	$14.98	$12.00	$2.98		$14.98	$-	100.00%	12ECB
01/05/10	CVS	$14.98	$12.00	$2.98		$14.98	$-	100.00%	12ECB
01/07/10	Target	$36.65	$29.73			$29.73	$6.92	81.12%
01/07/10	Walgreens	$30.56	$9.00	$15.12		$24.12	$6.44	78.93%	5RR
01/07/10	Walgreens	$4.29	$2.00	$1.32		$3.32	$0.97	77.39%
01/08/10	BiLo	$15.69	$2.10	$3.86		$5.96	$9.73	37.99%	-$5 next week
01/08/10	Ingles	$105.24	$35.00	$37.08		$72.08	$33.16	68.49%
01/08/10	Walgreens	$26.94	$13.00	$13.78		$26.78	$0.16	99.41%	5RR
01/09/10	Publix	$90.99	$51.30	$23.15		$74.45	$16.54	81.82%
01/09/10	Alice.com	$6.78	$5.00			$5.00	$1.78	73.75%	Swag
01/10/10	CVS	$17.95	$16.99			$16.99	$0.96	94.65%	11ECB
01/10/10	CVS	$15.99	$14.61			$14.61	$1.38	91.37%	5ECB
01/10/10	CVS	$5.99	$5.00			$5.00	$0.99	83.47%	3ECB
01/10/10	Walgreens	$37.40	$35.50			$35.50	$1.90	94.92%	4.50RR
01/11/10	Publix	$51.36	$25.20	$22.18		$47.38	$3.98	92.25%
01/15/10	Publix	$191.49	$73.40	$73.74		$147.14	$44.35	76.84%
01/15/10	Ingles	$22.85	$14.87			$14.87	$7.98	65.08%
01/15/10	BiLo	$82.06	$70.07			$70.07	$11.99	85.39%
01/22/10	Food Lion	$9.97	$3.00			$3.00	$6.97	30.09%	$5 next purchase
01/22/10	BiLo	$28.11	$8.40	$12.13		$20.53	$7.58	73.03%
01/22/10	Publix	$138.61	$61.58	$30.66		$92.24	$46.37	66.55%
01/22/10	CVS	$21.57	$21.00			$21.00	$0.57	97.36%
01/24/10	CVS	$21.47	$21.47			$21.47	$-	100.00%	10ECB
01/24/10	CVS	$29.81	$29.81			$29.81	$-	100.00%	6 ECB
01/21/10	Walmart	$24.92	$17.26			$17.26	$7.66	69.26%
01/29/10	Publix	$176.55	$88.63	$57.92		$146.55	$30.00	83.01%
01/29/10	BiLo	$40.81	$26.37			$26.37	$14.44	64.62%	$4 next purchase
01/29/10	Food Lion	$11.59	$6.79			$6.79	$4.80	58.58%	$5 next purchase
01/29/10	Ingles	$45.75	$27.24			$27.24	$18.51	59.54%
01/31/10	Walgreens	$13.64	$6.00			$6.00	$7.64	43.99%
01/31/10	Walgreens	$18.56	$17.72			$17.72	$0.84	95.47%
01/31/10	Walgreens	$37.24	$35.66			$35.66	$1.58	95.76%
01/31/10	Walgreens	$42.98	$42.98			$42.98	$-	100.00%	10RR
01/31/10	Publix	$10.76	$7.76			$7.76	$3.00	72.12%
01/31/10	CVS	$39.13	$35.48			$35.48	$3.65	90.67%	10ECB
01/31/10	CVS	$14.27	$13.55			$13.55	$0.72	94.95%	12.98ECB
01/31/10	CVS	$23.98	$20.96			$20.96	$3.02	87.41%	5ECB
01/31/10	Food Lion	$10.00	$7.00			$7.00	$3.00	70.00%	$5 next purchase