Stuff that breaks my heart
7 years ago
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Why am I writing?
There's really no point to me writing. I'm afraid to open my Bible just now, which is what I really want (and need) to do, because if I do, the 2 remaining children awake will surely need me for something mid-verse. I am in desperate need of a deserted island right about now. Or an evening away. Or a 5 minute shower by myself... without someone banging on the door or fighting in the background. SIGH. I know I'm whining. I started getting sick last week. I knew it was coming. But I had so much to do. Maybe it is really stress-induced. Which makes me even less inclined to go back to the doctor. I'm tired. In a way that I can't even describe. 100% drained. I really want everybody to be happy and get along. But I don't know how to make that happen. And my moodiness and lack of energy isn't helping any. We made Christmas crafts today and now the house is trashed. The kids fought. And I yelled. And I know I said I hate Christmas more than once. I suck. I remember Christmas being magical. Why can't I do that for my kids? It really seems unfair. I just can't keep up and I end up screwing everything up for everybody. With the rest of Christmas "break" looming over my head, I am completely overwhelmed and exhausted. I hate that I feel that way. I want to be so different than I am. Argh.
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Oh, how I feel your pain :(. It's so tough to be at home so many hours with no one to talk to. I feel so drained most of the time, too. I find myself counting down minutes until "Daddy" gets home. Last night he got home 45 minutes late from work and I was so ugly to him when he got home, even though I knew he couldn't help it. It just seems so unfair that he's making so little, and staying over is not going to increase his pay (he's salary) or even help him to get a raise or promotion later on (he works for the state.) Don't feel bad about venting on your blog- it's your blog and you are allowed to do what you want with it! Anyhow, I'd love to figure out how you do your coupon thing- I tried looking at Southern savers once but it just confused me, and I have so little time to shop, anyhow. Maybe if I have time one day you could show me... anyhow, I hope today is a good day, and that you have at least a little energy left at the end of it :).
ReplyDeleteKate, not sure if you'll see this response or not, but I wanted to thank you for your graceful comment. It's so hard to be a mom and wife and everything else and I hate being a whiner! I would love to help you with the coupon stuff. If you ever want me to come over in the morning time, I have a couple hours while Clayton is in preschool. Just let me know!
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