Crack.

Well.  Today was day 2 of no yelling in my house.  The kids got time-outs when they yelled, which fine, I can't say that was anything monumental or anything.  But the really huge spectacular thing was that I didn't yell.  Actually (just to be clear) I yelled once yesterday, briefly out of fright when Clayton almost shot glasses cleaner into his eyes, but I don't think it's fair to count that against me.  I don't know why exactly, but yelling or really any intense expression of emotion, is like crack to me.  I can totally understand when child psychologists say that strongwilled kids act out because they get an emotional "high" from their parents' reactions...  I don't think I can do anything without intensity, so this has been really difficult for me.  I've been cleaning a lot more and I ate two pieces of cake today.  But I guess it would be better to be a really fat, but really nice mom with a neat and tidy house than it would to be a skinny, loud one with a messy house... I think so anyway.  Well, hopefully it's just withdrawal and I can stop eating before the next season of The Biggest Loser.  Anyhow, I didn't figure it was acceptable to be learning about what the wise thing to do is and saying that I can do anything because Jesus is my strength, and NOT deal seriously with my temper and reactive tendencies.  I think maybe I should take up a new hobby...something exhilarating... bungee jumping perhaps?  Do they have conflict fighting for girls?

I'm Not Ready.

I'm reading this book.  It's called A Million Miles in a Thousand Days by Donald Miller.  I don't want it to end.  I feel like this guy knows me.  Like he could be my best friend.  I rarely, if ever, feel understood.  But this guy, he "gets" me.  It just seems unfair that the book should end.

Here is an excerpt:

I've wondered, though, if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don't want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgement.  We don't want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage.  And if life isn't remarkable, then we don't have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims rather than grateful participants.

I'll tell you something.  I am not ready to read this book.  I'm just not.  I'm not brave and I'm not interesting enough or strong enough to really nail the climax (you know, the part where the hero overcomes) in my story.  I'm not.  But I'll tell you something else.  I am desperately weary of being a weak, tired victim in a story written by circumstances.  That's the kind of movie you walk out on, the kind of book you put down because you just can't quite find the plot.  I am stubborn and willful, always have been.  Two characteristics that are not at all endearing when used to resist change or Wisdom.  But they can sure come in handy when telling Fear and Rejection to piss off.  So whether I'm ready or not, my mind is made up.  I'm writing a better story for me and for my family.  I'm following the road God has mapped out for me (Psalm 1:6).

No Offense

Living Without Offense & Rick Warren is Supporting our Twitter Conference Tomorrow

I thought this was a great post about offense.  It's sort of a follow up of sorts to what I wrote yesterday about obedience.  If we're living with offense, we're not listening and obeying.  I need to get into the habit of stopping and checking every thought before I run with it in the wrong direction.  I should be (because I am a Christ-follower) incredibly difficult to offend, and it should be habit for me to think the best of my brothers and sisters.  I want to let the Holy Spirit do that work in me, do you?  Have a great day, free of offense and rich in thoughts that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy!  (Philippians 4:8)

Obedience... I Can, but Will I?

So I've been thinking alot about obedience lately...  It seems to be a recurrent theme with me as of late.  I can't say I am really excelling or overcoming much, but I can feel God's persistence with me like I'm about to be pushed off of something/into something... or maybe it will end up being a jump... not completely sure at the moment.


I read an article in The Sabbath Sentinel this morning entitled "I Can, but Will I?" by Bryant Buck.  I couldn't find a link online, so here is a relatively small excerpt:

     Both the Old and the New Testaments are full of miracles, so why shouldn't we as believers in Christ experience our share of miracles too?  However, in the context of Philippians 4, I don't believe that miracles were the apostle Paul's primary focus.

     In Philippians 4:4 Paul exhorts us to rejoice; in verse 6 he encourages us to pray and give thanks.  Then, in verse 8 he instructs us to focus our thinking on things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report.  Moreover, just before Paul declares that he can do all things through Christ, he testifies: "I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need" (Philippians 4:12).  Paul's focus in this chapter is clearly on both how we behave and how we think.  If our behavior truly becomes Christlike, then we will be a miracle that others can see.

     Let's put this another way: If I can do all things through Messiah, do I rejoice?  More than that, do I rejoice always?  If I can do all things through Messiah, do I pray?  More than that, do I pray with thanksgiving?  Do I give thanks at all, or do I only give thanks occasionally?  If I can do all things through Messiah, what do I think about---things that are true, honest, and just?  Things that are pure, lovely, and of good report?  Or, do I think about things that are false, dishonest, and unjust?  Do I think about things that are impure, ugly, and of bad report?

I wish you could read the whole thing... it really is a very good article and goes along with what I've been thinking about.  I sucked big time this week.  I even threw a little temper tantrum over something stupid and shut down my blog.  I made the decision before God to put walls up again out of rebellion.  Well, little did I realize that with my decision came a decision from God as well.  He decided that if I was going to put walls up to keep people out, that He would stay out too.  It was only a few days, but I swear that there was no talking to God during that time for me last week.  He wasn't listening.  He wasn't answering.  It was just me and the consequences of my disobedience.  Isolation.  Call it a "divine time-out."  It was Crap, let me tell ya...  Not fun at all.  Definitely not something I want to do again anytime soon.

Sometimes I forget just how big God is.  Sometimes I lose sight of just how important it is to listen and obey because all the things around me: circumstances, worries, fears, perceptions, are just in my face all the time; they're so loud and commanding... And rather than just making the decision to take each of those thoughts captive and turning my focus around from Me to Him... I am choosing to follow my own line of thoughts and dwell on things that are not what I know to be "true, honest, just..."

I'm really glad it didn't take long to feel the consequence of isolation.  I would love to someday be able to catch it before the foolishness starts in the first place.  I guess I already CAN.  I just need to decide, WILL I?

A Quiet Soul

Psalm 131-amplified
²Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with his mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me [ceased from fretting].

Seems almost against my personality to be able to apply this passage.

My prayer?
HELP! (yeah, I use that one a lot)

Honest and Straightforward

This was yesterday morning's SOAP.  I'm really enjoying this method, by the way.  Very nice to not have to wonder where I am going to read today or trying to digest and respond to the entire several chapters.  It's neat to see how God will just bring out a phrase or verse from a large passage.

Scripture:  Luke 20:21-22
     So they asked him, "Teacher, we know that you're honest and straightforward when you teach, that you don't pander to anyone but teach the way of God accurately..."

Observation:  Now obviously these spies were trying to trap Jesus into teaching something that would get him in trouble.  And I don't know if they were simply flattering him here or what, but I have to believe Jesus had the reputation of being honest and straightforward.  Surely the idea was not new to him.  And his response is exactly that.

Application:  I think it's interesting that this would have been the perfect opportunity for Jesus to "stick it to the man" and tell people not to pay their taxes... I mean, no maybe God's Word didn't exactly say that, but perhaps we could infer something, or stretch something... Jesus was honest and straightforward.  He doesn't add to God's Word.  He doesn't get all bent out of shape about something that's not made a big deal of in scripture.  I need to remember to do that... And I need to pay attention to the teachings I hear and watch for that.

Prayer:  God help me to not put words in your mouth.  Help me to stick to the basics, the things that matter to you.  And help me be discerning, to recognize the difference between your teachings and the teachings of men.

Hearing from God.

So last night at Hub Group we read probably the most boring passage... Well I guess not as bad as the dreaded "beget" monologues... but close.  We read about Abram and his people traveling and camping and building altars.  Genesis 12:1-8

Things don't always jump out at me... particularly when it is something like a typical account of history... My brain just kind of wanders and before I know it,  the story is over, and I've planned dinner for the next 5 nights.

But afterward, we were asked which character we identify with... Far as I can figure there were just Abram, who heard from God, Sarai, his wife, who obviously went with him, his nephew Lot, plus a bunch of people and animals who kind of followed along behind--- we don't really know much about them.

At first I felt kinda crappy for identifying with the follower-people.  I mean, that hasn't always worked out beautifully in my life.  However, after some really interesting conversation with my husband after Hub Group last night, I think it's actually a good thing under one condition.

I think the key is hearing from God.  I have followed blindly before, either ignoring or not hearing from God.  I have at times neglected my own responsibility to hear from God and do what He says.  I'm getting to the point where I actually think it can be pretty neat to be an effective follower.  I say that because look at us!  A nation full of individuals, each striving for their own identity, each asserting their own power, each looking out for "numero uno."  And what has that done for us?  We are scattered, disconnected, isolated, and competitive.  Look at our churches... same thing!  A bunch of individuals, fighting for their own beliefs, their own ideas, competition, strife...  Not cool.

When we follow effectively, we affirm (by our own hearing) what our leaders are hearing from God.  We encourage and build up, not divide.  And interestingly enough, we also lead others to be good followers, to be respectful, to work as a team, to cooperate... These are important traits that we don't posses as a nation (or a church) of leaders.

So how do you hear?

My best effort has come from spending some time every day, not just reading the Bible and praying, but listening to what God is saying to me through His Word and then responding with action.  Sometimes I'm failing.  Like responding with my brain and then not getting my body or my mouth to follow through-- like with praying out loud in front of people-- huge fear, sweaty palms, the whole nine yards!  But some of the things I've heard God saying to me are changing my life permanently because I'm letting Him overcome my natural inclinations and am acting on what He is saying to me.   There is a point where the sometimes monotonous ritual of sitting down and reading and listening... starts to sink in and actually mean something.  That's grace.  And it gives us the courage to confidently follow because we know His voice.